The delicate morning sunshine filters in through the window curtains, dispelling the chill of the gloomy night.
As the numbness of the winter slowly disappears ceding it’s place to a readily perceptible warmth in the air, my heart filled up with hope- hope for a change. Last two years have been testing times for me. I wondered- ‘Why does something as noxious as loneliness exist?’. Of late, I have found myself plunging deep into this dark bottomless pit of solitude. Every day, I walk down the aisle of the temple, sit on the rung and stare blankly at the peacefully flowing water of the holy Ganges. People come and people go oblivious of what’s happening around them. More crowded the temple gets, the lonelier everyone becomes. I ponder- ‘Why don’t so many people out there walking side by side on the same stairs, buying sweets from the same shop give half-a-friendly glance or smile?’ I quickly tell myself- ‘Because after all, all of us are strangers.’ It is a big city which throbs with life every moment & yet it is so lifeless. It’s a rule to behave like a mundane cyborg and go about your business not caring an iota about what others are up to.
But aren’t we the world?
But then, don’t we always crib about being lonely? Yes, it is impossible to count the number of heads that you come across in a day but at the end of it, when you go back to your home and relax in the confines of your room, just for once, begin counting the number of people whom you can be completely open with, you realize that there’s hardly a handful of people whom you can trust.
I have often wondered if it’s just me or does everyone dwelling in the heart of a busy metropolitan city end up wallowing this feeling of isolation?
Maybe, everyone feels the same or maybe it’s just me.
The present. This very moment. It is like a wisp of smoke- fleeting and fragile as ever. Life moves on. I get hit by bouts of loneliness quite often and whenever that happens, I just go to that temple, sit on the aisle and stare at the water- flowing gently knowing not what lies ahead. I have decided. I am going to do just that.
I will change.
I am not bracing for it. I am going to embrace it.
Embrace the change